I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
