im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize