I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Randomize
