bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
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