he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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