i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
