remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
