If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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