Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize