I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
they're like a gay fantastic four
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
