I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Holy shit dude........stairs
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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