That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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