We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
