no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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