if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
