Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
