Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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