**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
