I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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