oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Randomize
