your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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