god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
