its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Randomize
