I wish my penis had an off switch
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
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