These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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