we have officially lost it.
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
