This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
