you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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