If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize