listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
