she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize