i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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