We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
