You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
