her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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