we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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