she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize