she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
