Ketchup is God's man juice
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
