i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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