That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
