the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
