How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
