there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize