I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
