Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize
