I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
