i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
