Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize