Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
