You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
