Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
