Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
