We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
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