just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
