70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
