thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize