So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
