I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
