So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
