You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Can you bring me the toilet please
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
