I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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