I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
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