I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
