ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
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