just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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