Where did you get a picture of my penis
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
