I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
