i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
