Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
where are you?
Hypothermia
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
