He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
