You really coming over, don't trick.
Will you blow on my dice?
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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