You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize