I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Randomize
