oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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