Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
