Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
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