My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
