my mouth tastes like poor choices
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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