Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
