here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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