I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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