no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize