Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
